It's amazing how useless I can feel and yet be so busy at the same time. I'm consistently getting things I need done and pushing hard toward the future and yet, I feel like I can't be of any help to anyone else. This is frustrating. I know that I need to take care of myself before I can help anyone else, it's just highly frustrating because that's where a lot of my happiness comes from is helping others and providing some service to others.
Maybe we're all just too caught up in our own selfish lives to look around and help each other? But a little company, a little "Hello, how ya doin today" does go a long way. I know that I've said this before on this blog but it's so amazing at how true and how painful it can be when no one says it for days...weeks on end.
I remember this one time in my life where I went for more than two years with nothing more than a handshake of physical contact. At that point, although it was highly frustrating and painful at times, it ended being one of the most eye opening profound moments of my life. Not sure that'll happen again, cause the chances of anything happening the same way twice is pretty slim. But here's to not choosing to make a choice in this matter and seeing how the cookies crumble.
Working on patience and focus. Oddly enough these two traits tend to work against each other so it's exponentially harder within the walls of the gates to my brain.
My goal with this project (in my head) is to help people/performers push their boundaries a little, not enough to completely freak them out but mostly to help them gently cross that line of comfort zone into the unknown and then redefine what makes them uncomfortable at that point. You'd be amazed at what we're all capable of once you work through this process.
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