Security is a Joke

I've never felt more insecure about my position in life than I do right now. Never quite felt this level of confusion so either I'm doing something completely right or I'm doing something completely wrong. Either way will be a learning experience. Taking it back to the days of long nights, short sleeps, and early work mornings.

Personal relationships are the first to suffer, holding on to the few that really make a difference along the way. At this point, there's nothing more important than the process. Must maintain a level of sanity a connection to the universe around me. I used to feel it on a daily basis but now only periodically through random passing glimpses.

Don't let the Iron Gate hit you on the ass on your way out. Let's do some work and prove some people wrong but more importantly prove myself right once and for all.

Recital

Hello there all. I'm going to be creating a blog specifically for my Recital coming the Fall of 2012. Feel free to follow along but my main purpose is to keep myself on task each and everyday. Like some I need a bit of a self-check from time to time and with such a specific timeline for this event I want to make sure that I hit every deadline to its full potential.

Life Long Path

I'm not sure that many people think about life this way, perhaps more than I know. But I see my life and the process of getting through it kind of like drumming or getting tattooed because both to me are life long processes.

Learning to drum you have to start out slow and steady, learning little by little and perfecting each task before moving on to the next. The first series of tasks are fairly easy to get through but then you reach a barrier that seems insurmountable. But with practice and continuous dedication we eventually work through it and have a new skill to put in our bag of tricks. Along the way I like to mark my path, to remind me of where I've been and hopefully where I'm headed. Kind of like a trail of bread crumbs, I get tattoos. Each one marks a time in my life that was or is significant. I'm not the kind of fool to run out and just cover my body because I can. Every tattoo is well thought/planned out. Although some have been covered over the years I don't regret a single one, always adding to create something new.

In both life and drumming there is always something new to learn, if you think you've learned everything you can...look again. I strive to learning something new every single day. There are many days that go by where it feels like no momentum is being gained but then when you stop to reminisce and realize where you've come from it's nice to see some progress. Life itself is a life long process. I'm sure to some this seems obvious but how many people do you know that have lived the perfect lives without any mistakes?

It takes time to figure things out, for some longer than others. I intend to spend the rest of my life working on the process of Life and Drumming and marking along the way with tattoos, if nothing else to add some color to my life. Here's to a Life full of Drumming and colorful Tattoos. :)

My Friend The Moon

We meet again, my friend, in the depth of the evening rounding out another day. Where the beginning ends and the end begins I see you watching over, blanketing with light, everything. Endless nights we've spent together walking alongside each other, but always in good company. When questions are raised you seem to have the answer without spouting one word of advise or intellect. Basking in the pale light of your reflection I've come to know this path.

Sometimes I just need a little inspiration. Seems odd considering I'm surrounded by inspired music and creativity all day everyday. But the compositions of those passed have less bearing in today's society. It's time for something new, the ideas are streaming in. Time to accumulate the proper tools to tip the scales.

It's quite amazing what just a bit of inspiration can do. It can send me on a creative spree for days, weeks, even months at times. But alas the lack of inspiration or more specifically those who insist on stifling creativity can do so much harm. Life would be different if I/we were able to be creative to our full potential.

Be True to You

Source: lockerz.com via Sam on Pinterest

The truth. To those who doubt what I'm capable of (including the inner ego), you're about to be proven wrong in every way. I'm going to do what I feel is right and what I need to be happy and achieve my dreams. Time to redefine some standards. The rest of you can do it the way it's "supposed" to be done or has been done for centuries, I'm here to do it my own way. Perhaps harder in the long run but it will be my own path in every way.

Dreams

What are you willing to sacrifice for your dreams? I thought up until just today that I knew the answer to this question but when you're bombarded with possibilities never before conceived it makes it a bit harder to define these lines. What if your dreams are socially or even morally unaccepted by our current society? Do you still do whatever it takes to achieve them or do you make compromises along the way and end up somewhere on the other side of nowhere-ville face down in your own unhappiness? Or do you run out and take every chance you get to meet these challenges head on to overcome them?

I ask these questions because I've had an updated vision to my dream. As I do I'm constantly moving toward one dream or another. But along the way as I get older those dreams change not because of compromise but because the spiritual waves of the world pry their way into my thoughts and wash away the old dreams but left behind are the new upgraded dreams. Still following my original path but more like a v2.0, still maintaining the structure but updating some of the social standards and beginning to work against some of these.

At this point I can't tell you what my dream is but I can tell you that it goes against most of what society says is appropriate or acceptable, thus why I'm having this moment of doubt before I jump in and take it by the reigns. Into the unknown we go. Fearless and powerful.

What do we do with the empty space when Hope is gone?

I remember of the time that I used to look out the window and just simply dream about what could be, what's to come, the potential of a boundless world.

I used to go to school semi-unwillingly just to get past it so I could get started with my life. I always thought that this time, now, would be the time for me to run and take care of the responsibilities that have been self imposed and to live the life that used to scramble across my brain trying to find it's footing as an overly hyperactive teenager. Why is it now that my ability to follow through has dwindled like the light from a fading sunset? I seem to be fading into the background completely unable to attain the potential that has been set out for me; my biggest fear realized, that I may live the rest of my life without ever being known or heard as a musician. What can I do?

The sad part is that I do know what needs to be done but just can't seem to make it happen. I'm not dumb, I know what and how to do the things that will make my life better and get me ahead. Is it a sin to know the truth but not to follow it? Most days I hate this process, but I do it all for those few days in which I fully envelope myself into music. As it is my life is a love hate relationship, when I do love it's wholly with my entire soul, there are only a few days in my entire life that I truly could or would hate anything or anyone but when I do it engulfs me. Today is one of those that I hate everything there is about my life, I don't understand why I do the things I do.

But what I do know is that, as there always has been, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. The big question I ask myself is, how do I keep from trudging through that tunnel ever again? Why can't I just live in the light instead of always searching for it?