Dreams

What are you willing to sacrifice for your dreams? I thought up until just today that I knew the answer to this question but when you're bombarded with possibilities never before conceived it makes it a bit harder to define these lines. What if your dreams are socially or even morally unaccepted by our current society? Do you still do whatever it takes to achieve them or do you make compromises along the way and end up somewhere on the other side of nowhere-ville face down in your own unhappiness? Or do you run out and take every chance you get to meet these challenges head on to overcome them?

I ask these questions because I've had an updated vision to my dream. As I do I'm constantly moving toward one dream or another. But along the way as I get older those dreams change not because of compromise but because the spiritual waves of the world pry their way into my thoughts and wash away the old dreams but left behind are the new upgraded dreams. Still following my original path but more like a v2.0, still maintaining the structure but updating some of the social standards and beginning to work against some of these.

At this point I can't tell you what my dream is but I can tell you that it goes against most of what society says is appropriate or acceptable, thus why I'm having this moment of doubt before I jump in and take it by the reigns. Into the unknown we go. Fearless and powerful.

How are you?

This question has been asked a lot lately by people in passsing, aquaintances, friends, people I know through slight interaction. And they all ask in passing if everything is ok, how are you? But I get the disturbing feeling that none of them truly mean in.

So many people in this world are willing to offer up help in the form of words but when it truly comes down to the necessity of an action, they're nowhere to be found. How is it that anyone is supposed to succeed in this world if the only way to truly succeed is through higher education (College) but only those who go to college can afford to or have family to support them through it.

I'm getting the distinct feeling that someone or something in the universe doesn't want me to go through school and get close to succeeding. Does this mean that I'm closer to what I'm meant to do and the evils of the world are trying to keep me from it or does this mean that I'm just simply walking down the wrong path? All I do know is that I can't financially or emotionally afford to continue down the same path anymore. Something has to give and not having a place to live is a big incentive to sell everything I have to stay afloat and figure something out elsewhere. I can't help but think though that this is just another obstacle or hurdle to jump over to get to my end goal. Which raises the question how far beyond the limits of sanity are we willing to venture before it's too late or before we succeed in our goals?

Just a few of the many thoughts and reactions I've had over the past few weeks/months of digging deeper and deeper, trying to do the right thing and continue along the only path that seems worthy of my skills, passions and desires. I've come so far already. I can almost taste the end, but every step I take ends up putting me two steps backward and last time I checked the best motion toward a goal is forward not backward.

Passion: a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire.

It's amazing how most of these blogs are happening between the hours of 1 am and 4 am. But tonight is no different, I've been up pondering the parts of my life that I adore the most and realized that there are two things that I spend the majority of my day trying to achieve....Women and Music. Through these ponderings I've come to realize that I have only ever really been passionate about two things in life. Music and Women, even from the time I was a little one I've loved women and music with all of my heart and put nothing less into each of them.

There is a reason that I don't date just anyone or join a band with just any Joe schmo...I refuse to accept mediocrity with any part of my life but especially with the two parts that I'm most passionate about. Anyone who does is lessening the value of them in their own lives and not experiencing the full extent that both Music and Love have to offer. This seems to be the same reason why it's not easy getting over either of them when they ebb and flow through my life.

Music is more of a constant but still comes and goes, but when women (love) comes and goes it's much harder because when it's not there, there's an emptiness that can't be filled no matter what. I'm beginning to grow accustom once again to the space between, whether or not it fills again isn't entirely up to me. I do need to be weary though of who is let into the iron gates and even more so who is allowed to venture further in.

This is why I fall back on music, music will always be there in some form or another and when the stars align it's as if the gods themselves are smiling upon me and my love of music the notes almost write themselves.

These passions in my life run so deep that I'm willing to give up everything that others hold so dear just to have a glimmer of a moment with either of them. But that single moment can go on for a lifetime, completely losing oneself, time seems to stop and anything is possible within that one moment.