Focus and Patience

I wonder mostly, if the decisions that are the hardest are worth the pain and stress? I work hard to stay involved and yet still miss the most important moments. I wonder if I will ever have time to relax and enjoy a family or even make a family. Never felt more alone than I do laying next to the one I love. What's wrong with this picture? I've been asked to put my heart on hold and it is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Is it worth the heart ache to hope to one day have a life worth living with the only one who can make my heart flutter. I know that I need to focus on certain things these days but what's the point if I don't have someone to share it with. As I venture farther down the rabbit hole and gain moment toward my goals and success I find myself more and more alone. Unsure of the path that lay in front me, I continue forward with hope that it will make sense at some point even if its udderly absurd to those around me. I know there are monumentous changes on the horizon but am I ready for these changes, can I ever be fully prepared for what's around the corner? So many questions that can not be answered without inner reflection. Its time to reclaim what once was mine. Focus and patience.

Good enough

Wondering if I am, for you?

What to do...

Music comes out at the most in-opportune times but when they do, such beautiful things come out. Even though my life is slowly decaying I can still sit at a piano and play your tune. Re-focus to what matters.

Enter by Form. Exit by Form

I was once in a place where time seemed to stop and nothing could interfere. In the next few months (throughout the rest of my life) I intend to find a similar space to occupy because that of the time that was is no longer achievable. That was that moment, on to find the next. Awareness has fallen by the wayside, it's time to bring it back to the forefront where I can focus and regain another moment of clarity. No more half hearted achievements, as my sound stems from my soul so shall the rest of my life. Life is an art form. I strive to be open and aware; to ascend the bonds of materialism, capitalism...consumerism! What I have and, where I am going is my focus. I am willing to die for my music, plunging into the life of the naive creativity that surrounds us. My cup is empty.

Support

Support is so important. A simple, "Hey there how's it going," would do wonders from the person you love.

A little insight into my world, my perception of time is very different than the average persons, at least I think. Minutes for me seem like hours, hours feel like days and days feel like weeks. Weeks feel like an eternity especially when not supported. I need to make sure not to offend, there are people that help support me in other ways but the one person I need it from won't waiver.

I feel like I'm about to have a bomb dropped on me from a 50 story building, not a bomb that goes BOOM! but a dud that just goes...Squish! It may be time to crust over again and take a long (eternal) break from loving anything or anyone again. Frustrating because my passion has never and will never leave me, which is what makes this hurt so much more. Will try to redirect into something more positive....we'll see.

Purpose

I do what I do simply because I have to. The choice of doing anything else is non-existent. Some would argue that we all have a choice. Although this is true I refrain from denying my inner-happiness. So many others have shelved their dreams to maintain material desires, instant gratification. Don't complain about not being happy if you're not willing to do what it takes, what it truly takes to achieve your dreams. What are you willing to give up to have unlimited happiness. I'm willing to do anything to achieve my happiness and live my life the way my soul sends me. Hard times have come, hard times have gone and will continue to ebb and flow throughout the span of the universe. The only way to truly make a mark is to fight for your dreams and never give up. I'm here because I was meant to be, and I intend to make something of it. It's time to listen, truly listen and dive head first into my purpose.

Listening

I've spent most of my life listening; to other people's conversations, problems, loves, hates, desires... When its time I have found a voice of my own to share with the world. What will I say? So much emotion to express, so many experiences to share yet the voice is still lingering in the darkness of the wings. Waiting only for the light to focus and shed a glare on the path. Instead of waiting and watching I've opened my ears to the possibility of something new. Subject matter may still be the same as always but the medium will take shape as something new and unheard. Time to see if anyone else is listening to hear what I have to say.