What to do, What to do?

I wonder if the path I'm on is the right one? There are signs along the way either lighting the path or taking you astray. Have the signs that I've been seeing simply leading me away from the true path that I should be following?

I know that all I feel in this universe, in this life is the awkwardly strong pull to create. I'm not sure if part of my path is to show others how to create or not? The idea of walking away from the last two years of education seems a little selfish in that I wouldn't be doing the "right" thing for future generations but would be doing what's right for me? A walking contradiction, I know that I can't make everyone happy, hell I know that I can't make anyone happy but myself. But how to know whether to change the path or keep walking. I would hate to waste anymore time walking someone else's path instead of directly walking toward my goals? At what point does doing something that feels wrong, become the wrong path?

The Feeling

When you hold me it's as if it's meant to be, it's as if it means something. All my worries disappear and the world seems to open up. It feels right, my creativity has sky rocketed in the last few days being away. I feel more calm more in touch with the world around me, ready to take on anything. This surprises me because it's been so long and so much has take place, but if it's mean to be it will be.

I am patient and have lots to do, as well as you. But I do crave that feeling, that warmth, that softness that is all encompassing. I wish for it, but all I can do is focus on the tasks at hand and wait and see.

When you hold me, it means something.

The Path

Through all of the learning that I've done so far in life, the most important thing I've discovered for myself....find your own path.

Watching so many people in the world fight, kill and ultimately destroy over simple ideas that the worlds religions are based on. In studying the general ideas of these religions or belief systems that the majority of the world follow I've come to learn that they all are based on similar basic ideals.

The overall general theme, whether it be enlightenment in life or after death they all have the same goal, Spiritual Enlightenment. What I've come to understand and is the reason for writing this today is that all of the religions and all of the beliefs in the world mean nothing if you can't find your own path. Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad....all found their own way. These people, who in fact were at one point or another just people, have set out their path before you to help you on your journey. We can not walk the same path of another and achieve the same experience, be sure to find and walk your own path but remember those who have come before and learn from those before you, take in stride the teachings of everyone but most importantly learn and make choices for yourself. Stand on the shoulders of your teachers.

Find your own path and walk it.

There's a Reason for it.

I feel as if there's something, life, the universe or maybe just my subconscious trying to tell me something. No matter what I try to do everything seems to be bad timing, even more precious because I'm a drummer, but any time I try to go out with friends or simply find a date..Nothing seems to line up. Perhaps there's a reason for me being secluded away from everything and everyone that can help me have fun or simply relax. I do believe that everything happens for a reason whether understood or not, but I'll be honest and say that it's getting frustrating this time round. Maybe I'm trying to hard.

How can I make more time for the necessary things in life...balance. I need to balance my heart, my mind and my soul without this there's nothing.

I am a contradiction in terms.

It's time to reset. For a moment or two I've lapsed in judgment. I've been drawn to you without rhyme or reason, not sure of my pursuance or need for persistence. Living so close yet so far away it seems as though we're in different galaxies. The universe draws me in different directions for different reasons, mostly for unclear reasons. Honesty is the only release for me at this point in my life, nothing else can satisfy.

I realize that I'm paddling upstream, but a little bit of trust and faith on your side can create such a wonderful, positive motion forward. Bad timing seems to be the bane of my existence, always coming in at the most inopportune time when you're trying to finalize, I'm working on initializing!

My denial of the word "can't" forces me to create abstract worlds where literally anything is possible. Why I can't decipher the difference is baffling to me, setting myself up for disappointment in the most painful ways. This, contradicting my overall philosophy of not setting up expectations?

Health and Happiness

I wonder that if people spent the appropriate amount of time focusing on their health and happiness and not blaming other things for their downfalls, if we wouldn’t be less over populated, obese and depressed as not only a nation but as a world?

I keep hearing people blame not having enough time to exercise or do the things they want on having kids, if you’re not healthy and can’t maintain a healthy lifestyle while having kids maybe you should consider NOT having kids? Accordingly people continue to blame having a family (kids) on not pursuing their dreams or doing what they want in life. If having a family is so strenuous and stressful and detrimental on your health, happiness and dreams, then maybe we should consider the importance of having a family versus health and happiness.

Now I don’t want to play down the importance of having a family, especially for those who want and dream of nothing but that for themselves. I realize that I’m not the biggest proponent for families but all I hear on facebook among other social networking sites is wining. People wining on facebook or myspace about what they wish they were doing, which makes me laugh right out loud (LOL) because they could be out working on their dreams or finding ways to get themselves on the path to their dreams but instead they spend the better part of their day trying to find out who posted what or who’s doing who on their favorite social networking site.

I will end by restating my introduction, I truly believe that if people spent the appropriate amount of time focusing on bettering themselves, specifically their health, and quit blaming their problems on others (having kids) we would all be healthier, happier and more motivated to help others.

Passion: a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire.

It's amazing how most of these blogs are happening between the hours of 1 am and 4 am. But tonight is no different, I've been up pondering the parts of my life that I adore the most and realized that there are two things that I spend the majority of my day trying to achieve....Women and Music. Through these ponderings I've come to realize that I have only ever really been passionate about two things in life. Music and Women, even from the time I was a little one I've loved women and music with all of my heart and put nothing less into each of them.

There is a reason that I don't date just anyone or join a band with just any Joe schmo...I refuse to accept mediocrity with any part of my life but especially with the two parts that I'm most passionate about. Anyone who does is lessening the value of them in their own lives and not experiencing the full extent that both Music and Love have to offer. This seems to be the same reason why it's not easy getting over either of them when they ebb and flow through my life.

Music is more of a constant but still comes and goes, but when women (love) comes and goes it's much harder because when it's not there, there's an emptiness that can't be filled no matter what. I'm beginning to grow accustom once again to the space between, whether or not it fills again isn't entirely up to me. I do need to be weary though of who is let into the iron gates and even more so who is allowed to venture further in.

This is why I fall back on music, music will always be there in some form or another and when the stars align it's as if the gods themselves are smiling upon me and my love of music the notes almost write themselves.

These passions in my life run so deep that I'm willing to give up everything that others hold so dear just to have a glimmer of a moment with either of them. But that single moment can go on for a lifetime, completely losing oneself, time seems to stop and anything is possible within that one moment.