Life is a Gamble

Yesterday I launched the Kickstarter campaign for my first solo record, AD4L. So far it’s been a good response but I know the hard work comes after the initial wave of front line supporters. So far just over $200 dollars of a $2000 dollar goal has been raised. Not bad for the first day but we have 28 days and $1800 to go just to reach the minimum goal. If you’re not sure whether or not you should support, here are a few things to think about.

It’s true that giving money for a project like this is a gamble. But with this project I’ve created it’s FAR less of a game of chance. When you donate your money is held until the project is completely funded, which means that I we don’t reach my funding goal you are out nothing, no money is transferred. But if I do meet my funding goals then not only have you supported a friend, family member, and colleague but you are getting more than your monies worth in return. I would say that’s not much of a gamble. I know many of you would happily drop 10x that amount in a trip to Vegas where your odds or astronomical.

Judge me based off of my actions, not those of others. I’ve spent years honing my art. The art of keeping time is far more than just keeping a beat. The rhythmic foundation can change the entire feeling of a song. How many sad pop songs have you heard paired with an upbeat rhythm that didn’t feel sad? Far more than you think. Even more than the feel of a song, I can change the color and texture of a song all depending upon the choices I make with my drums. Now imagine that level of specificity and creativity wrapped up in a whole record. That is what you can expect from my solo record, AD4L.

I have far more to lose in this situation than anyone who supports me. I’ve spent years working toward this goal, poured my heart and soul into every bit of this project. It means the world to me. If the project isn’t funded it would be a huge emotional blow for me and you would be out nothing. If the project is funded you would be out a minimum of $5 but my dream of producing my own solo record will become a reality. But remember also the amount you fund gets you far more than just a copy of a record by me. Options range from digital downloads to custom t-shirts and hats to pieces of the recording process to custom drumheads.

Whether you’re inclined by the words I write here on this blog, or the time we’ve spent in person together, or even by the music that I’ve created please share this with everyone. You never truly know who will be interested or able to support. Thank you all for your support. Let’s do this!

 https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/240245732/ad4l-is-clay-barnums-first-solo-record

Transitions, a Moral Imperative?

"Absorb what is useful. Discard what is not. Add what is uniquely your own." - Bruce Lee

As I transition to the beginning of the end I am saddened to leave this place in my life. It has been a very difficult struggle and wish I could have stayed just a bit longer, but I will not be staying on as the Fall Intern for PAS. I’m happy to be a part of this organization and hope to see it and help it grow further into the future.

Life is all about transitions. We are constantly moving and changing, hopefully toward bettering ourselves which if perceived by others will change them.

In every situation there is an opportunity for growth not just by taking something from that moment but by giving to it that which is uniquely your own. So many people on this earth take and so few give back. Giving doesn't mean you have to donate your money to some charitable cause, although that helps. What it means is to leave a part of you in everything. Contribute what you can, even if you have nothing physical to give. This is why it is so imperative that you invest your heart and soul into that which you love. Some would say it’s a moral imperative. You will be a happier, healthier person for it and those around you will appreciate the motivation (perceived or not).

Don’t waste time on tasks that are not completely of your heart. From this point on I have a focus. I have S.M.A.R.T. goals: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. Those who know me know that my determination is unmatched. I do what I say, one way or another. The outcome is not always what was intended, but such is life; we learn, we grow. 

I've got some big things planned, here's to the next six months. # AD4L Adventure is out there! 

Work, love or hate it?

Work can be something that you either love or hate. The best part is that you have a choice. For many people, I’ve come across in my many years working in production plants; they feel stuck in a rut with their job. Either they’re not progressing up the ladder or they’re not where they want to be at all usually because they don’t want to disrupt or uproot their family.

Do yourself and your family a favor, follow your dreams and find the job that makes you light up; for when you love your job it is no longer work. Those dreadful 10-12 or 20+ hour days melt like butter into weeks/months of process that light up your life. One major factor to loving the work you do, besides finding the work you love, is learning to love the process. I, myself, love playing drums. Without a doubt I would rather be out playing a musical, playing in a rock band, or backing a singer/songwriter. But when it came time to learn something new it became work, a job I had difficulty showing up to everyday.

I changed this by learning to love the process. I found ways of making the day-to-day practice more fun and manageable. Sometimes it is hard simply because there’s so much to work on, where do you start? How do you approach the mountain of learning that is percussion? Start with the basics, pick one thing, and learn that rudiment or idea as well as you possibly can then learn how to apply it.

“Knowledge is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.” – Bruce Lee

We have to remember to get out of the practice room and play music with other human beings. This will challenge you in the best ways. Love what you do, enjoy the process, and nothing will be work.  

The Silliness of Perfection

We spend much of our lives striving to find happiness and for a few of us we have been lucky enough to revel in what some would call a perfect moment, where all the variables culminate into a blissful awareness. But it seems that if we’re not striving to find those moments we are striving to get back to a time or a place where those existed, not realizing that they can and will never be the same. Those moments are a product of experiences that lead up to that special moment, once it’s passed all we can do is create other unique moments. Don’t waste time trying to recreate it. Instead, bath in the bliss and enjoy every ounce of it. Remember that feeling so when it comes again you can recognize it. The idea of perfection is misleading.

Practice makes perfect. This idea sets an expectation that there is an achievable level of perfection in the world. Perfection denotes that there is a right and a wrong or a level that can be reached where no more can be attained. When practicing any skill there is no attainable perfection according to any scale or measurement. Instead there is only you and what you are capable of. Because no matter how far you go there will always be more to learn. At one point in my life I thought it would have been impossible to play a full measure of 16^th notes at 120 bpm with one hand, but two weeks ago I reached that goal.

Growth can be difficult to measure especially in ones own life because it can take years to develop. If you spend a small amount of time reflecting you should be able to see growth on a long enough time frame. If you can’t you should probably evaluate some choices and change something in your life.  I, myself, spend far too much time reflecting on the past or looking to the future and not nearly enough working on the present. This is something I am constantly working on. Of course this all depends on your goals and where your happiness lies.

The biggest downfalls of achieving higher levels of growth are expectations, whether imposed by ourselves or others, or even worse trying to match someone else’s abilities. There’s nothing worse than trying to measure up to someone else and realizing that you do not have the same abilities. It’s important to have goals to reach but more so to realize that you will have to walk your own path at your own pace. Being fully aware of ourselves will help along the way. Understanding how we perceive the world around us allows us to understand how we can learn faster. We will still be working each at our own pace but then we can begin to focus in on the areas we are less proficient and adjust accordingly. I know I need to work on my hand to foot coordination and get my feet up to speed with my hands. When I sit down to practice I create exercises that focus on that area.

The same goes for every aspect of life, find something that you’re unhappy with and change it. Keep in mind that there are many factors in life that we have no control over but are there are a vast number of variables in life that we can control; take the time to find the ones you can. This doesn't always need to be humongous things in life they can be simple. It’s your life you should be happy with it. 

Building Something from Nothing

As musicians and artists we are all caught up in making our art or trying to put our stamp on the world. But with so many different personalities going completely different directions, it’s no wonder we all find such a hard time gaining any headway. What if, instead of solely working toward individual goals, we worked toward building a community where we can all benefit from the work we put into it?

I realized after reading Mo' Meta Blues: The World According to Questlove that many of the great artist that hit big in the last ten years were musically born in a project that was built upon community. Many artists coming together to share their love of Soul, R&B, and Hip-hop in turn created Neo-Soul where The Roots found their calling.

My path in life has been a windy one, but I have still managed to find a few people that believe in me and want to help me and in return I do everything in my power to help them in their goals. It’s the age old adage of “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” But what if more of us worked this way? You help me fund my project and in return I’ll play on your project or help you fund yours, or help you plan the logistics for your next big show. It’s all a give and a take, but lately it seems the mentality taking over society is simply just, “TAKE!”

I propose that if I've helped you in the past by playing on a recital, teaching lessons, helped you move, or even just been there to listen to your venting that its now time for you to help me. If you choose to support in any way you can then I promise you this, right here right now, that I will be a part of your next project on some level. I have an array of skills to offer to up-and-coming and professional musicians, perhaps all you need is a change of perspective. Lets build something together. #AD4L is coming soon will you be involved?

Listen and Be Heard

The most disadvantageous idea that musicians have fallen prey to is that any one musician is better or worse than another. We all are learning to speak a language in our own words. There is no right or wrong, just my words and yours. Once we get past this innately human need for competition, we can truly begin to hear each other.

Like any language we learn music by working with the foundational materials, basic harmony, melody, and rhythm. And then as time progresses, as relentlessly as it does, we add to our bag of tricks by learning more difficult ways to express this language. At the beginning of our musical development most of us learn the music of those that have come before us and some continue to do so becoming interpreters or technicians of that language. Tirelessly striving for a few perfect moments where all of the variables come together into an emotionally pressing experience.

Others take a different approach. When learning from those who have gone before, this inspires us to find our own voice. But to find our own voice entails finding our own words. As before, we learn the basic foundational words so that we may speak amongst everyone but how does one form and find their own words? I work best not by directly copying another artist but by taking a foundational idea inspired by them and creating my own voice.

In this competition driven world where the drummers and musicians vie for tens of thousands of dollars in prizes or top billing on a concert review, how can anyone be heard without screaming? In fact when I watch the winners of these drum competitions all I hear in their playing is a bunch of kids screaming to be heard and trying to cram as many words into their statement as possible. If you’re playing on stage in front of people, whether it is solo or in a group, you are making a statement. Its up to you what that statement says.

Don’t get me wrong, the drummers I’m speaking about have serious skill, but skill is nothing without creativity. Similar to applying for work or a gig in any situation, we create a package with materials, videos, links, etc. But almost always there will be a cover letter or an artist statement on some level. In this statement you have one paragraph to grab their attention and perhaps maybe one or two more paragraphs to explain why you’re the best fit for their organization. All in all you have one page to get your ideas across.

With these competitions you have one chance for a first impression and the first few rounds usually are limited to two minutes, even the final rounds are only five minutes. Five minutes to show who you are and what you can do is not a lot of time, which is why it makes sense to me that most of these drummers just kind of musically spew everything they have out on to the table. The sad part is that there is a lot of talent being showcased but very little creativity.

What if, instead of going on stage and vomiting musical incongruity everywhere, we went out with a solid well prepared statement that showcased our best abilities at that moment? Genuine, creatively crafted statements will stand out and be heard amongst the droning screams. Listen and be heard, everyone has something to say.

Art of Living in the Pursuit of Happiness

I've prided myself for years on being an upstanding person. Honest and passionate about life and the pursuit of happiness. But at this point in my life, I find that I've fallen to the very bottom of a slippery slope that I’m not sure I can get myself out of.

Lying is one of the worst and most damaging things you can do to a person. I do not know why, but in the last 4-5 years I've been lying to myself which has translated into my personal life. I feel it best to come clean with myself and the world and try to find a way to climb out of this cavern of negativity.

What causes people to lie, what causes me to lie? Why would I intentionally hurt someone I love very much? The truth is, I've gone so far down the rabbit hole that I don’t always know what I’m saying and on many levels actually believe the lies I've told myself. One of the many reasons, its really just an excuse, is a survival. The last 5 years has been so frustrating and trying that I've had to lie to survive sometimes just as simply as lying to get some food, because it’s no fun going for very many days without food. Don’t get me wrong, I've had a lot of help along the way and I fully appreciate every bit of it. But, even then, it still takes its toll and sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

I’m not happy about it, I’m definitely not proud of it. In fact, I beat myself up and feel guilty everyday because of it. I hate myself most days because of these things. Most of all I hate myself for hurting the one person that I love, truly and deeply.

Our connection was instant and from the beginning I didn't honor that and cherish that connection as I should have. I let my brain get involved in matters of the heart and that’s when everything started falling apart. I have no comprehension of the breadth of pain I've caused. Although I do know how it has affected me, changed me all I see is negativity. The only thing I should have ever done was make you laugh and smile, anything less is undeserving of your love. Madison, my darling girl, I love you beyond the ends of the universe. You bring so much light and love into my life. With the smallest smirk of a smile you can bring me out of the darkest hate-filled place. Your power is unmatched in this universe.

All I truly want is to be happy, deserving of your love, and able to accept your love. The truth is, I need help to repair the damage that has been done, I need a light to lead the way. Please be patient as I re-learn the art of living in the pursuit of happiness.