Aside from the pain inflicted on others fighting and killing each other for the newest coolest presents to give to their needy spoiled children that just have to have them, christmas is a grand holiday.
The level of expectations around the holidays but Christmas
especially has gotten out of control. I remember growing up and hearing from
everyone that “its about giving, not receiving.” But many times in the last few
years I’ve been in a position where I could not give anything for the holidays.
And guess what? I’ve never felt more like a failure. Because I feel guilty when
people give me things and then I can’t return the gesture.
Guilt trips are something that started from when I was a
young lad. My estranged father always slathered on the guilt trip around the
holidays. He would always spend enormous amounts of money on extravagant
presents and in return expect us to come stay with him. Constantly trying to
buy our love, my dad invested tens of thousands of dollars on trying to buy his
way into our lives. Only to find out later that that money was social security,
disability money that was meant to be for my brother and I’s living expenses,
college, etc. You know, defrauding the federal government out of thousands of
dollars for more than ten years just to have it backfire and fail. My brother
and I were smart enough to see the problems and steered clear for our own
safety, likely not early enough to have caused some damage. But that’s neither
here nor there.
Stress is a killer. I can feel it killing my will to live,
my soul to love, and not so slowly my hopes and dreams. Life should not be this
stressful or miserable for anyone. But then again the people we choose to spend
time around define our environment. I remember being happy once. It was many
years ago, long before a failed marriage, long before almost a decade in school
and oodles of student loans. Where a controlled amount of responsibility was
had and my interaction with people was limited to those I enjoyed spending my
time with. The idea of “spending time” with people is just that. We have a
limited supply of time in this life, you should never waste time spent with
anyone. Invest your time into friends and relationships that enrich your life,
if its not 100% positive or have some benefit for YOU then reconsider your
investment. Yes, any relationship worth having takes some work but remember
that it should also be an equalizing balance. If the scales begin to tip too
far to one side or the other for far too long then tensions will take over and
nothing will work, no matter how simple.
This usually comes down to expectations. One person expects
more than the other or the expectation that was set from the beginning is
impossible to maintain for years on end. This is the doing of people. People
set expectations in their head of what they think something should be like and
when reality doesn’t match it because we don’t live in a Hollywood movie those
people get upset and frustrated that they’re not able to get what they want.
This goes for all of us. We all have expectations of what we want out of life,
but the reality of actually achieving what you want takes steps that most
people are not able to comprehend or are not willing to take. Usually sacrifice
on some level of some part of their life. The problem is that people are unhappily
trying to fill this hole in their life by buying presents instead of making the
sacrifices necessary to actually form happiness in their lives.
Last but most definitely not least. The holidays are a stark reminder of the people we have lost throughout the year. In my life, it seems, that at least once a year on or around christmas I lose a good friend or family member to the cold hand of the reaper. Death, as we know it, is not an uncommon thing. In fact we all have to come to grips with it at some point in our life, it is the one common denominator we all share. But, for anyone that has to deal with the holidays along with losing any member of their family because once you're friends with someone for long enough they become your family. Or for those of us that work in the music/production business, those we work with day in and day out are our brothers and sisters. Because when you spend day and night for weeks, months, or years on end with the same people you can't help but become family with them.
Family is what christmas is all about whether or not they're blood related or not.
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