Sore Hands and Mountains to Climb

In just a few weeks I fly to Finland to begin my second tour as a stagehand for Lindsey Stirling. As the time passes I can’t help but reflect on the amount of work that I have done to get to this point. My hands have provided the dexterity necessary to tie knots, pull ropes, and plug cables. They are 34 years old and each and every day they are sore beyond belief.

Every joint, tendon, muscle, and bone inside my hands hurts almost every moment of every day. I try to give them rest as often as possible but the truth is our hands are the most used tools in our lives. From typing, to eating, to drumming, to working our hands are always working for us. Having a background in drums and percussion I have an intense respect for stretching before and after any given activity. The factor I can’t control that has the largest impact on the pain level experienced in my joints is the weather. The pain comes rolling in with each passing storm as the barometric pressure changes.

Just like the weather, when changes happen too fast it is difficult to keep up, causing excess pain. My goal in the next three months is to keep the chaos in order amongst a multitude of massive changes. In three weeks I leave for tour, leaving my girlfriend behind in a city neither of us enjoy for six weeks. I return just in time for Thanksgiving through which I will be working, driving carriages. But then we both quickly need to pack our apartment to move the first week of December to Orlando. Mainly so she can work through the holiday season at Disney to make some decent money. But once I get her moved in it will be time for me to return to Indianapolis to finish out the remainder of my work with Yellow Rose Carriages through the end of the holiday season, of which I’m told is insanely busy. All, for the hope of having a little bit of savings and relocating, semi-permanently, to Orlando, Florida. 

After all of that I will fly back to Orlando just in time to catch New Year’s Eve with my girlfriend. Then it’s off to find work once again. Like I said, trying to manage the chaos inherent in a multitude of changes in a short amount of time. From percussing, to stagehanding, to carriage driving I’ve got my bases covered. I have no idea what I’ll be doing, but I guarantee I’ll be doing something I enjoy and with any luck I’ll be able to do what I love for a living. Mountains to climb one step at a time.

Standing on Mountains, Catching Stars

Even some of the best writers and musicians need a good editor or a great producer from time. Truth is, there are many of us in the world that are good at creating but not so great at editing. Usually because we are too close to see what needs to change to make it better. For my books or my record that are in the works, all I need is a good editor, someone to help me find the right textures or voices to use. I know that I have something interesting to say. Whether or not anyone else wants to listen is out of my control. But, if I can get it down in an approachable context and make it available I believe that there are people out there who will read/listen.

If we take a look at what society considers great musicians, and they are in many ways, classical musicians: highly educated, well practiced, and able to conquer the most difficult pieces of music. Most of them spend their whole lives playing someone else’s creation. They have become the greatest musical technicians. I applaud and highly regard that level of determination to get to that level of playing and success in life. I am not at that level of performance, near perfection, but I choose to focus my time equally on performing as well as creating. I have an immense desire to live forever through the music that I create. Immortality is at my fingertips; I need just to write something profound or breathe-taking.

This is where a great producer and/or editor come in. The ideas are flowing through the universe like shooting stars and I’m lucky enough to be able to catch a few here and there. The problem is that my star-catching net is too big. I need someone who I can trust to help me sift through the ideas and pick out the gems to focus on.

I’ve been on a path of observe and report for so long that I need to dive in head-first and spend some quality time engulfed in one idea long enough to find a finish to it. But then again, when is a creation complete? At what point does a symphony come to a resolution, when is the last chapter of the book complete, where does a record end? I’ve been so focused on enjoying the path of creation that now I must learn the art of completion.

So much as taken away from my creation lately: finishing school, finding work, moving across the country. But soon there will be no more excuses, no more delays. From this point on I will focus not only on my process but incorporate self-defined deadlines and goals of completion. On top of feeling better about completing projects, wrapping things up will open more doors of opportunity: publishing, further exploration of different ideas, and an aching need to refocus on performing. There’s no better therapy than laying into some drums for 8-10 hours a day.

There are always mountains to overcome but it seems that for every mountain I climb, no matter how tall, the next one is exponentially more massive. As I update my resume and reflect, I see the peaks that I’ve conquered and it reminds to push even harder to pursue my dreams. If I can climb the peaks I’ve passed, I can conquer what is yet to come.

Keep Your Head and C.Y.A.

Driving a horse, namely Rumor, in downtown Indianapolis during Labor Day weekend reminds me of very important and specific life lessons. No matter what happens keep your head. You literally have no control. Remember that when there are a thousand cars all pushing and shoving to keep you out of traffic, skateboarders jumping around the corner, fireworks going off at the stadium, and loud musicians under the Arts Garden to simply focus on what is directly in front of you. The only factor you have control over is managing the actions of the 2000-pound horse in front of you. But more importantly remember that you can’t control her actions you can only manage her decisions. She will make choices and each of those choices have consequences. Finally, keep your head. This sounds simple, but the truth of the matter is that if you freak out and lose your head, your horse will fly off the hook.

There are always surprises around the corner that will throw your world into chaos at a split second, the key is to adapt and adjust quickly. You can’t expect the unexpected but if you know how to keep your head everything will be okay. With nothing more than twelve dollars between my savings and checking accounts, I’m reminded of an idea from the movie “In Time.” “I’ve never had more than a day.” In a world where time is the currency and when your time runs out you die, having a day left means you’re constantly working and running to get more.

I’ve never had a true savings as people have suggested with multiple months of income. Even now with a move to Orlando pending at the end of the year every penny goes into paying rent, tomorrow. Even so, I’m not worried. I know that I will be going on tour in Europe for six weeks that will pay for the move as well as the rest of the bills through the remainder of the year. The point being that I’ve never had more than a day’s worth of money in the bank, yet I endure. I keep my head.

Security in life is such an illusion. We work long and hard hours at jobs most of us don’t even like to create some sense of comfort. I’ve managed to work enough jobs to know what I do and do not like for work. Here in the middle of my life I am capable of finding the work I love to do as well as work that I can do to survive that will not make me hate going to work everyday. Between drumming, stage-handing, and driving horses; I’ve got my bases covered.

As they say in the barn here at Yellow Rose Carriages, C.Y.A. Cover Your Ass. Exactly what happens every night whether I’m cleaning my harness, my carriage, or taking rides on the way home even when the other drivers suggest otherwise. I am covering my ass not only physically, making sure that I do what I do to the best of my ability, but also financially by ensuring that I take as many rides as I possibly can; all on top of endlessly striving toward a career in music, creating and performing. There’s no such thing as time off.

Everyday I’m hustling, practicing, learning, working, and teaching. As with my horse at work and when I walk Minnie, Madison’s dog, we are always training always learning something new and reinforcing the old. This is how I live my life. I still have a lifetime of learning to do, let’s get started.

Patience and Comprehension

When we die what do we leave behind?

Memories of those we affected

But memories fade with time

Most have children whose memories 

Live on for a generation perhaps two

But music, for those of us lucky enough to make it

Can make a mark large enough to last forever, to make a change.

That’s why there’s nothing more important

The sacrifices I make, you see as insanity

All are leading to a greater view that only I can see

This, my letter to you, asks for patience

And understanding while I walk a path

That was only meant for me. 

Although we walk hand in hand, your path differs

Making it impossible for either to fully comprehend the other's.

The Past is Relevant

I stand before you, eyes drawn brighter than the night

While the demons cry, the fire burns and buries the knife

The patience of learning exceeds even the brightest

undone and tattered, our lives drawn

each step, the path unfolds

lighting brighter, breathing passion through the stream.

The Next Step

The tide changes,

it ebbs and it flows.

Breaking down barriers

From the past and it shows. 

Under a new moon,

The next phase is about to commence. 

Tis time to tear down this iron rod fence!

Work, Love to Hate It!

As an artist the idea of a “job” is something that brings a flood of negative emotions, it’s the one thing standing in our way of doing what we love. But for most of us it is a necessary evil that must be compromised with at some level. But don’t let what you need to do for money dictate your happiness or your creativity. Use the skills you have and build toward your creative goals by working in areas that are adjacent to your dream job.

In the pursuit of my dream job, I’ve spent twenty years working various jobs to pay the bills. Many of which were creatively painful others of which were just stagnant with people drowning in complacency. I know that we all make compromises from time to time but at what fork in the road do we compromise our dreams away? I have always been aware of the mass effect that decisions have on our lives which is why I’m very careful with whom I spend my time with and the work I spend my precious time here doing.

With each decision along the way came a time where a job was needed to survive or more often than not a decision was made to leave a specific job for fear of being dragged down to the depths of creative despair. For most of my life I thought, “I just need a job to get by.” So I took and kept whatever jobs came my way without much thought of where those opportunities would lead me later in life. The truth is the best thing that happened to me was meeting up with my now good friend, Greg Downs. He helped me gain access to working inside the world of live production (live sound, lights, stage hand work, etc.) that has now lead to a spot on a European tour in the fall. Now, more than ten years later, it makes perfect sense. Why wouldn’t I work on stage crews and get closer to where I wanted to be? Honestly, I just never thought it was possible for me to do these things. As it turns out these jobs were best suited for me because they kept me on my toes with different environments everyday.

Be aware that not only the decisions you make but also how you act and react to situations directly affects other people’s opinions of you. And, who knows, you might just miss out on a grand opportunity if you’re too much of a diva or drama queen. That “rock star” attitude you purvey is killing opportunities for you further down the road. Yes, that might get you a gig in a singular form and that might be a great opportunity at some point but isn’t that a gamble of long odds? Why not instead focus on maximizing your opportunities by using the skills you have to get you closer to your dream jobs little by little. For me these skills vary because I grew up in a place where I could work in varying situations and with large animals. Both reinforcing my work ethic and allowing me opportunities that I am only now getting to reap the benefits of. I owe everything I have to my work ethic. It is these skills that I’ve built upon over the years to create a unique resume including everything from branding cattle to stage hand work, to now driving horse-drawn carriages through downtown Indianapolis.

But outside of work we must continue to focus on the first-hand skills necessary to be ready for that dream job when it comes screaming by at 100mph. Because when it does come you better be ready or you may not even recognize it or be able to catch it. I don’t know very many musicians/artists that are capable of doing the one thing they are known for. Most professional musicians I know have a secondary income but usually closely related to their field. For instance, my professor Douglas J. Wolf is a percussionist with the Utah Symphony but has also been teaching percussion at the University of Utah for over 35 years. Another example is Kenny Hodges, who plays around Salt Lake City, UT as a freelance percussionist, sits in with various performances with Utah Symphony and Broadway touring shows as they come through town. But Kenny also owns and operates a business where he records audio books with various voice talent and authors. They both do what they love and have found ways to fill the billfold with varying creative endeavors. 

This kind of work definitely creates a scenario of endless work, but if you love what you’re doing, it is not work. I don’t know any artists that wouldn’t put in a fifteen or twenty hour day to accomplish their art. Why should this be any different on the path leading up to that goal? Don’t be afraid to work multiple jobs and after a twenty-hour day go home and practice your art.  I was once told, “In the 25^th hour of my day…” in response to a friend who had not put in the time to learn a few songs. Because he didn’t feel he had enough time in the day to accomplish the tasks necessary. The truth is we had different priorities in life because if its something you love you can always make time. Decide what is important to you, and go for it. I promise if you love it, the time spent working will melt away and you will no longer be working for the weekend.

Don’t ever tell me that you’re stuck and cannot get out of a situation. You might be stuck for a period of time but you can always work toward changing it, even if only in small ways. Even right this very moment as I type these words across this page I’m stuck in a place where I don’t want to be but every decision and move I make is toward getting to a better, happier place. You may not have a choice in what or how things happen in your life, but you always have a choice in how you deal with those situations.

The point I am trying to convey is, never settle for anything less than what you want. If you don’t have the skills go out and learn, ask for help, and most of all work hard. If you can show up on time, work hard, and be a nice person, nothing can stop you. Keep in mind that you have no control over what opportunities come knocking, but you do have control of whether or not you can put yourself in front of some. Life will never work out the way you want or expect. Drop your expectations of how the world should be live in the moment. Find what you love and let it rule your life.

The way I see the world. As long as I drum hard, love hard, and work hard I will love the work I do. Even if it’s the most undesirable job out there, if you’re pursuing your happiness, nothing will stop you.