I remember of the time that I used to look out the window and just simply dream about what could be, what's to come, the potential of a boundless world.
I used to go to school semi-unwillingly just to get past it so I could get started with my life. I always thought that this time, now, would be the time for me to run and take care of the responsibilities that have been self imposed and to live the life that used to scramble across my brain trying to find it's footing as an overly hyperactive teenager. Why is it now that my ability to follow through has dwindled like the light from a fading sunset? I seem to be fading into the background completely unable to attain the potential that has been set out for me; my biggest fear realized, that I may live the rest of my life without ever being known or heard as a musician. What can I do?
The sad part is that I do know what needs to be done but just can't seem to make it happen. I'm not dumb, I know what and how to do the things that will make my life better and get me ahead. Is it a sin to know the truth but not to follow it? Most days I hate this process, but I do it all for those few days in which I fully envelope myself into music. As it is my life is a love hate relationship, when I do love it's wholly with my entire soul, there are only a few days in my entire life that I truly could or would hate anything or anyone but when I do it engulfs me. Today is one of those that I hate everything there is about my life, I don't understand why I do the things I do.
But what I do know is that, as there always has been, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. The big question I ask myself is, how do I keep from trudging through that tunnel ever again? Why can't I just live in the light instead of always searching for it?
